Since You've Been Gone.

I tried my best to keep smiling again, but it was too hard to hold back the tears. Today would be 4 months and day since she decided to tear my heart into a million pieces. I go through roller coaster stages of my mood. And when I think that things would get easier, I'm back to were I started. Everything that was said and done keeps replaying itself over and over again in my mind like it was yesterday. And then I start thinking about dark thoughts again like Bella had felt when Edward had left her. The movie didn't do justice as the book had on how depressed Bella was when the love of her life walked out of her life. I really related to her sadness and lost and not wanting to live. Sometimes I think that if I bled to death that it would release me from my misery. I'd just drown in a pool of my blood. Or maybe if I jumped in front of the train it'd be over like that in a second. Another thing I saw that Sofia had shown to me was this Swedish guy suffocating himself. It looked so simple, when I saw that it didn't shock me at all. When I watched it; so hard to explain how I felt. Sadness shot through my body and everything felt heavier like my face drooped down and so did everything else. It was just such a weird feeling, but somehow I knew exactly why he was doing what he did. He wanted to escape from everything that was going on in his life that he couldn't handle. When should I make my great exit? No one would notice anyways since I'm invisible to the world :'(

Goodbye my Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.