I don't know how it feels to love anymore. I'm afraid to try for fear of going through that horrendous, aching pain in the heart again. I can take all the physical pain, but a broken heart just kills you and brings you down. I don't know if I can play that game and lose it all like someone else had. Well I've got nothing to lose and if I did, that wouldn't be the way I would go about things. I'm not insensitive. All my questions I had that caused my hurt, I already knew the answers. I was just wishing that I'd wake up from a bad dream, but love threw me to the curb. It was a hit and run and I was left there to suffer on my own.
U got it bad
Oh, no, no, no, no, no...
When you feel it in your body
You found somebody who makes you change your ways
Like hanging with your crew
Said you act like you're ready
But you don't really know
And everything in your past - you wanna let it go
I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Nobody wants to be alone
If you're touched by the words in this song
Then baby...
U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad
When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars
(You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy
(I do it just cause I'm...)
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know
I really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can
See I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Everyone of y'all are just like me
It's too bad that you can't see
That you got it bad...hey
U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad
breakdown
U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wishful Thinking
I wish I knew all the right things to say. I wish I stood out and not be just another face in the crowd. I wish I could make a difference. I wish I was taller. I wish I was beautiful. I wish I could be perfect. Maybe then someone would notice me. Maybe then someone would care. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so completely and utterly alone.
I lay here contemplating about how my world lost it's color. I used to have roses surrounding me. Now all that revolves me is replaced by thorns. I feel more like an outsider then when I had to reveal to my parents (more so to my mom) that I have feelings for women. I take that back, I had fallen in love with one woman who took it all and walked away like we had never existed. They say that time heals the bad and puts roses around the good, but this time is taking so long because my scars are still open.
I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I could turn into a cold person and turn my back as if it all didn't matter. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself. I wish I knew better. I wish things would be easier. I wish I wasn't so easily replaced. I wished things could get better.
Misery
Shadows are fallin' all over town
Another night and these blues got me down
Oh, misery! I sure could use some company
Since he's been gone I ain't been the same
I carry weight like an old ball and chain
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause me misery
And, oh! I've been down this road before
With a passion that turns into pain
And each time I saw love walk out the door
I swore never get caught up again
But ain't it true? It takes what it takes
And sometimes we get too smart too late
One more heartache for me
Another night of misery
Oh! And oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why, why, why, why, why, why does this
heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause misery, oh
Misery
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery, oh, no, yeah
Misery
I lay here contemplating about how my world lost it's color. I used to have roses surrounding me. Now all that revolves me is replaced by thorns. I feel more like an outsider then when I had to reveal to my parents (more so to my mom) that I have feelings for women. I take that back, I had fallen in love with one woman who took it all and walked away like we had never existed. They say that time heals the bad and puts roses around the good, but this time is taking so long because my scars are still open.
I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I could turn into a cold person and turn my back as if it all didn't matter. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself. I wish I knew better. I wish things would be easier. I wish I wasn't so easily replaced. I wished things could get better.
Misery
Shadows are fallin' all over town
Another night and these blues got me down
Oh, misery! I sure could use some company
Since he's been gone I ain't been the same
I carry weight like an old ball and chain
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause me misery
And, oh! I've been down this road before
With a passion that turns into pain
And each time I saw love walk out the door
I swore never get caught up again
But ain't it true? It takes what it takes
And sometimes we get too smart too late
One more heartache for me
Another night of misery
Oh! And oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why, why, why, why, why, why does this
heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause misery, oh
Misery
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery, oh, no, yeah
Misery
I can't seem to shake the pain
I will never ever be the same person I had been before. I've been so hurt time after time and I have lost my true self. I can't help the tears that fall uncontrollably while I try to focus on doing my work, but I just get distracted. This is just insane how much a heartbreak can affect me so much. I try to keep myself busy and get my mind off things, but the feelings just keep coming back. As I said to her that I can't see myself with another person, I really did mean it. I have tried to see something new in another person but it's just not the same. The people who I've met or will come my way would be just another someone and I would just end up settling for. I can't find the happiness that I had felt. I'd rather be with the love of my life and go through even the worst with her than to be with another. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm just so fucked up that even though other good things come my way, it doesn't seem to at all matter. I don't have her and she's the one I need.
Even though the moment just passed me by, I still can't turn away. It won't ever get easier. Somehow I need a way to escape from all this because it is all killing me.
"Everybody Knows"
It gets harder everyday, but I can't seem to shake the pain.
I'm trying to find the words to say, please stay.
It's written all over my face.
I can't function the same when you're not here.
Calling your name when no one's there.
And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.
I don't care what people say, they brought it all in anyway.
Baby don't fill up your head with he-said, she-said.
It seems like you just don't know. (don't know)
The radio's on, you're tuning me out.
I'm trying to speak, you're turning me down.
And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.
Oh I wish you would understand.
Just an ordinaryman.
I wish that we have known
That everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try.
'Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows.
Even though the moment just passed me by, I still can't turn away. It won't ever get easier. Somehow I need a way to escape from all this because it is all killing me.
"Everybody Knows"
It gets harder everyday, but I can't seem to shake the pain.
I'm trying to find the words to say, please stay.
It's written all over my face.
I can't function the same when you're not here.
Calling your name when no one's there.
And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.
I don't care what people say, they brought it all in anyway.
Baby don't fill up your head with he-said, she-said.
It seems like you just don't know. (don't know)
The radio's on, you're tuning me out.
I'm trying to speak, you're turning me down.
And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.
Oh I wish you would understand.
Just an ordinaryman.
I wish that we have known
That everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,
one more try,
one more try.
'Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Without hesitation
I wake up and she's lying in the bed next to me. I look at her and she looks at me with a want and need in her eyes. I hold her close to me and I don't want this feeling to ever go away. I start kissing her sweet lips passionately and I can feel her heart beat rapidly against mine. I begin to slowly kiss the collar of her neck bone and she lets out a soft moan. I lower my head kissing her down her chest, tasting her voluptuous nipples. My head keeps going down as I am between her legs.
Then I wake up. WTF?!? Why does it got to be a dream?
Crazy for You
Found myself today singing out loud your name,
you said I'm crazy,
if I am I'm crazy for you.
Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here
turns me crazy,
but it's you who makes me lose my head.
And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible
you drift into my head
and turn me into a crumbling fool.
Tell me to run and I'll race,
if you want me to stop I'll freeze,
and if you are me gonna leave, just hold me closer baby,
and make me crazy for you.
Crazy for you.
Lately with this state I'm in I can't help myself but spin.
I wish you'd come over,
send me spinning closer to you.
I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away,
but the more I do,
the crazier I turn into.
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
My oh my, how my blood boils, it's sweet taste for you,
strips me down bare
and gets me into my favorite mood.
I keep on trying,
fightin' these feelings away.
But the more I do
the crazier I turn into.
Pacing floors and opening doors,
hoping you'll walk through
and save me boy,
because I'm too crazy for you.
Crazy for you
Then I wake up. WTF?!? Why does it got to be a dream?
Crazy for You
Found myself today singing out loud your name,
you said I'm crazy,
if I am I'm crazy for you.
Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here
turns me crazy,
but it's you who makes me lose my head.
And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible
you drift into my head
and turn me into a crumbling fool.
Tell me to run and I'll race,
if you want me to stop I'll freeze,
and if you are me gonna leave, just hold me closer baby,
and make me crazy for you.
Crazy for you.
Lately with this state I'm in I can't help myself but spin.
I wish you'd come over,
send me spinning closer to you.
I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away,
but the more I do,
the crazier I turn into.
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
My oh my, how my blood boils, it's sweet taste for you,
strips me down bare
and gets me into my favorite mood.
I keep on trying,
fightin' these feelings away.
But the more I do
the crazier I turn into.
Pacing floors and opening doors,
hoping you'll walk through
and save me boy,
because I'm too crazy for you.
Crazy for you
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hello world
So today is going to be a big day for me and I'm very excited. I should be sleeping now, but here I am wide awake. I'm going down to the city very early in the morning and hopefully I don't forget anything. Things have been going well for me lately and I have begun to really smile again. I've got all these amazing things lined up that are keeping me busy and on my toes. I'm ready for everything that comes my way!
Hella Good
The waves keep on crashing on me for some reason
But your love keeps on coming like a thunderbolt
Come here a little closer
'Cause I wanna see you, baby, real close up
(Get over here)
(Get over here)
You got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
A performance deserving of standing ovations
And who would have thought it'd be the two of us
So don't wake me if I'm dreaming
'Cause I'm in the mood come on and give it up
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
Ooh yeah yeah
Ooh yeah yeah
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
Keep on dancing
Keep on dancing
Hella Good
The waves keep on crashing on me for some reason
But your love keeps on coming like a thunderbolt
Come here a little closer
'Cause I wanna see you, baby, real close up
(Get over here)
(Get over here)
You got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
A performance deserving of standing ovations
And who would have thought it'd be the two of us
So don't wake me if I'm dreaming
'Cause I'm in the mood come on and give it up
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
Ooh yeah yeah
Ooh yeah yeah
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
You've got me feeling hella good
So let's just keep on dancing
You hold me like you should
So I'm gonna keep on dancing keep on dancing
Keep on dancing
Keep on dancing
Thursday, March 24, 2011
She can't be worth your time, because you're obviously not worth hers
It's sad to know that the one person you'd give everything to becomes some complete stranger that you don't know. The person that I once knew, isn't the same person who I had fallen in love with. When we last talked I felt like a nobody. I admitted to what I did and it seemed like I got a big fuck you out of it. And whenever I try to talk to her it's like she won't give me the time of the day. I feel like the client, my times up yet after the talk I feel 10 times worse. The whole time we talked, I had tears running down my face.
She tells me to keep my conclusions and opinions to myself and tells me that I don't know what she feels and what she thinks. Obviously, I know that and that's why I ask her but she doesn't want to give me an answer and blames the reason that it is the past. I never really got a straight answer and it sucks.
I remember asking my ex boyfriend, Lorian about our break up and what happened and I didn't get an attitude. He told me everything without a problem. I even asked him again last year (even if it was 9 years ago when we broke up i got the same answer) with ease. It hurt a lot to know that he was seeing someone a week after we broke and moved on so quickly but it helped me move on. Even though I moved on I never really got over him (until My ex Radek - when 5 yrs later Lorian & I met back again since our break up, that's another story) he always held a warm place in my heart. He's still a good friend that I can talk to about anything and everything.
I just wished it was just easier to talk like that with Sofia, but we always end up talking to each other like a bitter divorced couple. I was truly hurt the other day when we talked because before she told me that I could talk to her about anything and nothings changed - just that we aren't together. And of all people, i thought she would understand, but her actions show that she doesn't care. I feel that she is too good for me to even talk to now. I held everything back before because it's hard to say things to the one you love and still have feelings for, but it's just difficult because you can't say the things you really want to say. Especially to her, it ends up in an argument and I'm not trying to fight with her. I end up having to watch what I say because she'll get angry.
It's sad what we have become to one another. I'm just another face, another person she ran from. I feel like I'm just like the others. Maybe one day we can talk again without feeling like we are stabbing one another. I don't want to be an enemy. I don't want to hurt and feel sad each time we do talk, like we had on Tuesday. I'm glad to know that I do have people who do care about me. Lisa, Michelle and Dezzie brought a smile to my face when I really needed it. I don't feel as bad anymore, I just hope that I can keep my mood this way.
Having your heart broken is the worst. It doesn't matter how you get your heart broken; it still hurts. Pain is pain.
Take a Bow and You Don't Care :(
She tells me to keep my conclusions and opinions to myself and tells me that I don't know what she feels and what she thinks. Obviously, I know that and that's why I ask her but she doesn't want to give me an answer and blames the reason that it is the past. I never really got a straight answer and it sucks.
I remember asking my ex boyfriend, Lorian about our break up and what happened and I didn't get an attitude. He told me everything without a problem. I even asked him again last year (even if it was 9 years ago when we broke up i got the same answer) with ease. It hurt a lot to know that he was seeing someone a week after we broke and moved on so quickly but it helped me move on. Even though I moved on I never really got over him (until My ex Radek - when 5 yrs later Lorian & I met back again since our break up, that's another story) he always held a warm place in my heart. He's still a good friend that I can talk to about anything and everything.
I just wished it was just easier to talk like that with Sofia, but we always end up talking to each other like a bitter divorced couple. I was truly hurt the other day when we talked because before she told me that I could talk to her about anything and nothings changed - just that we aren't together. And of all people, i thought she would understand, but her actions show that she doesn't care. I feel that she is too good for me to even talk to now. I held everything back before because it's hard to say things to the one you love and still have feelings for, but it's just difficult because you can't say the things you really want to say. Especially to her, it ends up in an argument and I'm not trying to fight with her. I end up having to watch what I say because she'll get angry.
It's sad what we have become to one another. I'm just another face, another person she ran from. I feel like I'm just like the others. Maybe one day we can talk again without feeling like we are stabbing one another. I don't want to be an enemy. I don't want to hurt and feel sad each time we do talk, like we had on Tuesday. I'm glad to know that I do have people who do care about me. Lisa, Michelle and Dezzie brought a smile to my face when I really needed it. I don't feel as bad anymore, I just hope that I can keep my mood this way.
Having your heart broken is the worst. It doesn't matter how you get your heart broken; it still hurts. Pain is pain.
Take a Bow and You Don't Care :(
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
OMG
Things are beginning to look up for moi. Sofia's mom and the tea lady were right! I'm just a bit excited about all these things that are coming my way. If my friend didn't knock me on the floor so that I could wake up, I would have missed all these opportunities. As for my wish tea lady, I believe it too. But for now, let me concentrate on this and the rest supposedly will fall into place. I'm so hyper - should be sleeping by now but I can't!
One Step at a Time
Hurry up and wait so close but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch
You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
You believe and you doubt
You're confused and got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours if they only knew
You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way we get there is one step at a time
Take one step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
One Step at a Time
Hurry up and wait so close but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch
You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
You believe and you doubt
You're confused and got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours if they only knew
You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way we get there is one step at a time
Take one step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time
All BY Myself
What makes me even more sad now is that I'm left behind at this stupid ass job while my friend had given in her 2 weeks notice. How liberating. She finally gets to leave this bitch fest office and start a new job with professional people and work in her creative field. She won't have to feel annoyed and unhappy anymore. I'm glad for her, she did it as planned.
I'm sad though because she is my only friend here. I know that we'll be able to have lunch together, but how often? I don't know. I walked passed her desk a few times and it brought me down. I have no one to confide in anymore. She makes me laugh and cheers me up when I'm not having a great day. I'm just shit out of luck and even more miserable to add on top of my misery. =(
Isolation
People say we got it made
Don't they know we're so afraid?
Isolation
We're afraid to be alone
Everybody got to have a home
Isolation
Just a boy and a little girl
Trying to change the whole wide world
Isolation
The world is just a little town
Everybody trying to put us down
Isolation
I don't expect you to understand
After you've caused so much pain
But then again, you're not to blame
You're just a human, a victim of the insane
We're afraid of everyone
Afraid of the sun
Isolation
The sun will never disappear
But the world may not have many years
Isolation
I'm sad though because she is my only friend here. I know that we'll be able to have lunch together, but how often? I don't know. I walked passed her desk a few times and it brought me down. I have no one to confide in anymore. She makes me laugh and cheers me up when I'm not having a great day. I'm just shit out of luck and even more miserable to add on top of my misery. =(
Isolation
People say we got it made
Don't they know we're so afraid?
Isolation
We're afraid to be alone
Everybody got to have a home
Isolation
Just a boy and a little girl
Trying to change the whole wide world
Isolation
The world is just a little town
Everybody trying to put us down
Isolation
I don't expect you to understand
After you've caused so much pain
But then again, you're not to blame
You're just a human, a victim of the insane
We're afraid of everyone
Afraid of the sun
Isolation
The sun will never disappear
But the world may not have many years
Isolation
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Love the way you lie
WTF is all this head fucking me in the mind. Every time we are supposed to go out some bullshit happens. I have such a hard time believing whether the excuses are real or far from the truth. I feel like I'm just too fucking nice. I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt but the things I've been through just makes me think twice.
I think woman most especially play mind games. They can pull shit like that with men, but I am a woman too and I see right through the bullshit. I used to think men were assholes, but I'm beginning to think the reason they are that way is because woman are bitches. I really feel for men for what woman put them through.
Women think that they can just say things and cover their shit up so that they won't look like they are in the wrong. Well then don't play fucking mind games. Be straight up with everything. Don't just tell people things that they want to hear because you think you won't hurt the others feelings. Because it is worse lying to someones face just because you want to look good or your hiding something. Or you like to lead others on because you enjoy the attention. Stop thinking about yourself and realize that other people have feelings too and are human.
Don't toy with peoples emotions and expect the other person to be ok with it. Remember: no matter how hard u pray.... karma still haunts. Live without pretending.
Better man
Waitin', watchin' the clock
It's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more
She practices her speech, as he opens the door
She rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
1-She lies and says she's in love with him
Can't find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can't find a better man, can't find a better man
Ohh
Talkin', to herself there's no one else
Who needs to know
She, tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to, come along
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
(rpt 1)
She lies and says she still loves him
Can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can't find a better man
Can't find a better man
She loved him, yeah...
She don't want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah
That's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man...
I think woman most especially play mind games. They can pull shit like that with men, but I am a woman too and I see right through the bullshit. I used to think men were assholes, but I'm beginning to think the reason they are that way is because woman are bitches. I really feel for men for what woman put them through.
Women think that they can just say things and cover their shit up so that they won't look like they are in the wrong. Well then don't play fucking mind games. Be straight up with everything. Don't just tell people things that they want to hear because you think you won't hurt the others feelings. Because it is worse lying to someones face just because you want to look good or your hiding something. Or you like to lead others on because you enjoy the attention. Stop thinking about yourself and realize that other people have feelings too and are human.
Don't toy with peoples emotions and expect the other person to be ok with it. Remember: no matter how hard u pray.... karma still haunts. Live without pretending.
Better man
Waitin', watchin' the clock
It's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more
She practices her speech, as he opens the door
She rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
1-She lies and says she's in love with him
Can't find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can't find a better man, can't find a better man
Ohh
Talkin', to herself there's no one else
Who needs to know
She, tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to, come along
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
(rpt 1)
She lies and says she still loves him
Can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can't find a better man
Can't find a better man
She loved him, yeah...
She don't want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah
That's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Me against the world
Seriously I don't understand why I fucking try anymore. So everybody can step all over me. Fuck me. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but the pain won't leave. It keeps coming back, fuck laugh all you want. Laugh because I'm a fool.
And they all whisper that I deserve it. Blame me because I existed, or I thought I had. The world can be a very cruel place. I've realized why the only reason people actually like nice people is because they're easy to take advantage of.
Why do you see right through me? I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break, I crave, I love, I've waited long enough..I tried as hard as I can. I'm just not good enough.
Mad World
Verse 1
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, No tomorrow
Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
Verse 2
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me
Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
And they all whisper that I deserve it. Blame me because I existed, or I thought I had. The world can be a very cruel place. I've realized why the only reason people actually like nice people is because they're easy to take advantage of.
Why do you see right through me? I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break, I crave, I love, I've waited long enough..I tried as hard as I can. I'm just not good enough.
Mad World
Verse 1
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, No tomorrow
Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
Verse 2
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me
Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
To crush or not to crush?
That is a good question.
Animal
Here we go again, I kinda want to be more than friends
So take it easy on me, I'm afraid you're never satisfied
Here we go again, we're sick like animals, we play pretend
You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No, I won't sleep tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy and I want to run and hide
I want to run and hide
I do it every time, you're killing me now
And I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Hush, hush, the world is quiet
Hush, hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Whoa, I won't sleep tonight
I won't sleep tonight
Here we go again
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Animal
Here we go again, I kinda want to be more than friends
So take it easy on me, I'm afraid you're never satisfied
Here we go again, we're sick like animals, we play pretend
You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No, I won't sleep tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy and I want to run and hide
I want to run and hide
I do it every time, you're killing me now
And I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Hush, hush, the world is quiet
Hush, hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Whoa, I won't sleep tonight
I won't sleep tonight
Here we go again
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Love is...
This is what I found in yesterday's paper and I'm always collecting these comics. I haven't been collecting them lately for awhile now since I don't have the mood. I wanted to check the Love is for the day and this is the first time that I found a sad one - I've always related to these characters. =(
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated
It sucks when you miss someone so much and there is nothing that you can do about it. One time in my life, I thought that everything had been perfect but then it all got taken away and that's when I found out that nothing lasts forever. Why must all good things come to an end? Am I just being punished? You spend so many days and nights talking to this person, texting them, Skyping them and flying across the oceans to be with them and one day it all disappears. Life is so unfair.
Everything gets all confusing when confronted with the sudden change of behavior of someone who you thought you knew. You start to question your sanity; you doubt your ability to get anything right. How is it that you go through so much with a person and then it all ends up falling apart and it's as if you have no clue of who that person is? You go from strangers, to friends, then you become more than friends and, now you are back to being strangers again.
I wasn't scared of anything, what I did fear was having my heartbroken again or even at all. She was and still is the love of my life and that is more of a reason to hurt the second time around. It’s the most painful thing to have to go through and it's not like your heart is the only thing broken - you feel like every part of your body is broken. It's so hard finding the shattered pieces to put back together. I don't know how long I will have this feeling for of being down and empty every day. I don't think it would ever go away. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again because bruises and cuts are easier to fix then a broken heart.
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
Miss You Love lyrics
I've run out of complicated theories
So now I'm taking back my words
And I'm preparing for the breakdown
Your t-shirt's lost its smell of you
And the bathroom's still a mess
Remind me why we decided this was for the best
Because I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I know the distance is a factor
But I stretch as often as I can
My goal's to reach your hands any day now
Please don't blame me for trying
To fix this one last time
I have a hard time as it is
Because I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
Don't act like you don't know me
It's still me, I've never changed
I'll be here when you come back
And I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
Everything gets all confusing when confronted with the sudden change of behavior of someone who you thought you knew. You start to question your sanity; you doubt your ability to get anything right. How is it that you go through so much with a person and then it all ends up falling apart and it's as if you have no clue of who that person is? You go from strangers, to friends, then you become more than friends and, now you are back to being strangers again.
I wasn't scared of anything, what I did fear was having my heartbroken again or even at all. She was and still is the love of my life and that is more of a reason to hurt the second time around. It’s the most painful thing to have to go through and it's not like your heart is the only thing broken - you feel like every part of your body is broken. It's so hard finding the shattered pieces to put back together. I don't know how long I will have this feeling for of being down and empty every day. I don't think it would ever go away. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again because bruises and cuts are easier to fix then a broken heart.
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
Miss You Love lyrics
I've run out of complicated theories
So now I'm taking back my words
And I'm preparing for the breakdown
Your t-shirt's lost its smell of you
And the bathroom's still a mess
Remind me why we decided this was for the best
Because I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I know the distance is a factor
But I stretch as often as I can
My goal's to reach your hands any day now
Please don't blame me for trying
To fix this one last time
I have a hard time as it is
Because I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
Don't act like you don't know me
It's still me, I've never changed
I'll be here when you come back
And I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
I miss you love
Half Alive.
I used to hear sweet music playing in my ears and now my world is filled with pure silence. It's like every day I wake up in someone else's body living in an empty, gloomy world. Everything that I had planned had gone done the drain and I don't know what to do and where to start. I'm just lost in a bowl of mixed emotions. How did I end up here? I have so much resentment towards everything and everyone now. I've lost my willpower to function. I want to take myself away from everything and just hide from the universe. I just don't know how to care anymore.
Je sais cela quelqu'un travaux pour le station de télévision.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
She took the light & left me in the dark.
Sick of crying...
Tired of trying...
Yeah I'm smiling...
But inside I'm dying.
Pretend
It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?
Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue
So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.
I'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did they go to?
Why disappear?
It's hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear
So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.
Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again
So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth
Tired of trying...
Yeah I'm smiling...
But inside I'm dying.
Pretend
It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?
Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue
So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.
I'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did they go to?
Why disappear?
It's hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear
So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.
Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again
So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What's left of me.
Can things get even worse for me? I had my review with my boss today and it didn't go well. I didn't get my raise because I "supposedly" didn't meet the standards. What in the fuck am I supposed to do? How is that possible that I work my ass off and I'm not good enough? I can't win with anything. I'm good for fucking nothing! I can't get a hold of someone to talk to. I think I have already lost it. I'm just so unhappy. I don't care anymore. This place sucks, this economy sucks, this life sucks. What have I got to fucking live for seriously?!? I'm miserable, I'm grumpy and I've become mean. Don't let this smile I hide behind fool you. I want to stop this madness, tears that never go away. What is the fucking point? I don't want to fucking feel anymore.
In Too Deep
All that time I was searching, nowhere to run to, it started me
Thinking
Wondering what I could make of my life, and who'd be waiting
Asking all kinds of questions, to myself, but never finding the answers
Crying at the top of my voice, and no one listening
All this time, I still remember everything you said
There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
So listen, listen to me
Ooh you must believe me
I can feel your eyes go thru me
But I don't know why
Ooh I know you're going, but I can't believe
It's the way that you're leaving
It's like we never knew each other at all, it may be my fault
I gave you too many reasons, being alone, when I didn't want to
I thought you'd always be there, I almost believed you
All this time, I still remember everything you said, oh
There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
So listen, listen to me
I can feel your eyes go thru me
It seems I've spent too long
Only thinking about myself - oh
Now I want to spend my life
Just caring bout somebody else
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
In Too Deep
All that time I was searching, nowhere to run to, it started me
Thinking
Wondering what I could make of my life, and who'd be waiting
Asking all kinds of questions, to myself, but never finding the answers
Crying at the top of my voice, and no one listening
All this time, I still remember everything you said
There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
So listen, listen to me
Ooh you must believe me
I can feel your eyes go thru me
But I don't know why
Ooh I know you're going, but I can't believe
It's the way that you're leaving
It's like we never knew each other at all, it may be my fault
I gave you too many reasons, being alone, when I didn't want to
I thought you'd always be there, I almost believed you
All this time, I still remember everything you said, oh
There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
So listen, listen to me
I can feel your eyes go thru me
It seems I've spent too long
Only thinking about myself - oh
Now I want to spend my life
Just caring bout somebody else
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Sliding Doors
Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out If I hadn't turned down others when I became so blindsided by her. If I instead met up with Laura (gorgeous italiana) and didn't turn her down in tears when I told her I met someone else and fell madly in love. It was so heartbreaking to have to tell someone that you don't want them anymore, when they were thinking about you the whole time. But I felt better about myself for being truthful about my feelings and giving a clean break without dragging her around in circles. She understood and that was that, I didn't have a burden of guilt that I did her wrong. She was gone for awhile and I didn't know if I was going to hear from her again - what was I supposed to do? Someone else filled my days of happiness. But what if it was the other way around? If I went with her instead and ended up living with her in Italia. Would I have been heartbroken or would I still be there happy and in love?
Then there was Desiree - the southern belle. I had a kindergarten crush on her. She kind of reminded me of my high school crush, but a hotter version who wasn't playing mind games with me as Carly had. Although, Dez was always with someone else and then later on the time Sofia and I had our very first break up she was there. We were planning to go to Puerto Rico together. We talked almost everyday and for hours and hours of how we were going to finally meet. We were looking at tickets and making plans to where we'd see each other at the airport and places where we were gonna stay. All that changed when I got back with Sofia and I had to break the bad news to her. I felt bad, but I said the truth and she understood. What if I just went to Puerto Rico? Would I have been put through this situation?
Another person came into my world, Nikki. The sexy Latina. She was calling me on Skype and texting me and calling me everyday. She was cheering me up and making me laugh. She was awesome because she was helping me wake up in the mornings because I'd oversleep (Sofia was the one who used to do that for me). She listened to me pour my heart out on how hurt I was and she was just there. She said she wanted to come to Chicago when she had the money. When I got with my girl again, I told her and she was cool. She really respected our relationship and didn't want to do anything to piss my girl off because she knew my love for her. She still was there for me, as a friend.
Then there was Alexa Renae. The beautiful Brazilian girl who I was to meet up in NY. I think I met her while I was talking with Gio or maybe before? I can't remember the order. She commented my myspace (when it used to be cool) and asked if we were going to meet up. We talked on aim a lot and on the phone. When I got to NY we didn't get the chance to meet. Later on I was already in a relationship and flying back and forth from Chicago to UK and back 4 times that year. Then I get an email from her saying that she wished it was her that was making me smile. She said she was sorry for running away because she got scared. She probably thought I wouldn't meet her up again because we live in two different states. She probably realized if I'd go all the way to UK and back (to visit my amazingly beautiful Greek goddess) then I would have done the same and kept flying to meet her up in Virginia. She told me she wanted to have the chance to be with me. I told her that it was too bad that she didn't think of that earlier, that I was in love and very happy in my relationship and that even though we couldn't be together that I wanted her to still be my friend. What if I left Sofia for her when she asked me all these things? Would I have had a broken heart?
Lastly, the pretty polish or was she Russian girl, on the train every morning she would be smiling at me and staring each time she got on from her stop. I could feel that she was interested in me, sometimes she would say hello and she was looking directly at me. There were other people next to me as well, but it was definitely to me. I've come close to talking to her, but the next time I decided I was going to say something to her - I never saw her again. If I ever opened my mouth and talked to her, and gotten a chance with her - would I have been happy?
Or would I have ended up in the same position, but just a different person with my heart pulled out of my chest? I wish I could see how things could have turned out. But truly in my heart, all I knew was I was with the one who I would end up with forever. I don't think that I ever have any luck. I thought I was the luckiest person in the world. I was on top, I was invincible. I had it all. I wish I could turn back time and do things better. Fix things and unbreak my heart. Why oh why me?
Going Through Changes
It's hard to have strength when there's nothing to eat
And it's hard to eat when you don't have the teeth
And how, when you lose the one thing you love
There's nothing below and there's nothing above
And I've been going through changes
I've been going through changes [x2]
With nothing at all
It's hard to accept what you don't understand
And it's hard to launch without knowing how to land
And how, when it burns, you can't change a thing
You can soften the blow, but you can't stop the sting
And I've been going through changes
I've been going through changes [x2]
With nothing at all [x3]
I am still yours even if you're not mine
I stare at the floor and I study the lines
Oh I took my place at the back of the crowd
Baby I couldn't see, but at least it was loud
At least it was loud
And I've been going through changes [x3]
And I know that I needed changes
But not this, this is not painless
Oh no, this is not painless
Then there was Desiree - the southern belle. I had a kindergarten crush on her. She kind of reminded me of my high school crush, but a hotter version who wasn't playing mind games with me as Carly had. Although, Dez was always with someone else and then later on the time Sofia and I had our very first break up she was there. We were planning to go to Puerto Rico together. We talked almost everyday and for hours and hours of how we were going to finally meet. We were looking at tickets and making plans to where we'd see each other at the airport and places where we were gonna stay. All that changed when I got back with Sofia and I had to break the bad news to her. I felt bad, but I said the truth and she understood. What if I just went to Puerto Rico? Would I have been put through this situation?
Another person came into my world, Nikki. The sexy Latina. She was calling me on Skype and texting me and calling me everyday. She was cheering me up and making me laugh. She was awesome because she was helping me wake up in the mornings because I'd oversleep (Sofia was the one who used to do that for me). She listened to me pour my heart out on how hurt I was and she was just there. She said she wanted to come to Chicago when she had the money. When I got with my girl again, I told her and she was cool. She really respected our relationship and didn't want to do anything to piss my girl off because she knew my love for her. She still was there for me, as a friend.
Then there was Alexa Renae. The beautiful Brazilian girl who I was to meet up in NY. I think I met her while I was talking with Gio or maybe before? I can't remember the order. She commented my myspace (when it used to be cool) and asked if we were going to meet up. We talked on aim a lot and on the phone. When I got to NY we didn't get the chance to meet. Later on I was already in a relationship and flying back and forth from Chicago to UK and back 4 times that year. Then I get an email from her saying that she wished it was her that was making me smile. She said she was sorry for running away because she got scared. She probably thought I wouldn't meet her up again because we live in two different states. She probably realized if I'd go all the way to UK and back (to visit my amazingly beautiful Greek goddess) then I would have done the same and kept flying to meet her up in Virginia. She told me she wanted to have the chance to be with me. I told her that it was too bad that she didn't think of that earlier, that I was in love and very happy in my relationship and that even though we couldn't be together that I wanted her to still be my friend. What if I left Sofia for her when she asked me all these things? Would I have had a broken heart?
Lastly, the pretty polish or was she Russian girl, on the train every morning she would be smiling at me and staring each time she got on from her stop. I could feel that she was interested in me, sometimes she would say hello and she was looking directly at me. There were other people next to me as well, but it was definitely to me. I've come close to talking to her, but the next time I decided I was going to say something to her - I never saw her again. If I ever opened my mouth and talked to her, and gotten a chance with her - would I have been happy?
Or would I have ended up in the same position, but just a different person with my heart pulled out of my chest? I wish I could see how things could have turned out. But truly in my heart, all I knew was I was with the one who I would end up with forever. I don't think that I ever have any luck. I thought I was the luckiest person in the world. I was on top, I was invincible. I had it all. I wish I could turn back time and do things better. Fix things and unbreak my heart. Why oh why me?
Going Through Changes
It's hard to have strength when there's nothing to eat
And it's hard to eat when you don't have the teeth
And how, when you lose the one thing you love
There's nothing below and there's nothing above
And I've been going through changes
I've been going through changes [x2]
With nothing at all
It's hard to accept what you don't understand
And it's hard to launch without knowing how to land
And how, when it burns, you can't change a thing
You can soften the blow, but you can't stop the sting
And I've been going through changes
I've been going through changes [x2]
With nothing at all [x3]
I am still yours even if you're not mine
I stare at the floor and I study the lines
Oh I took my place at the back of the crowd
Baby I couldn't see, but at least it was loud
At least it was loud
And I've been going through changes [x3]
And I know that I needed changes
But not this, this is not painless
Oh no, this is not painless
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Come back and haunt me.
All I want is to be happy again. I want this pain in my heart to just go away. It's the worst feeling ever. I try my best to get my mind to think happy thoughts but I end up with this pain in my chest and my eyes always become uncontrollably heavy. I feel so empty inside and so very alone. I miss seeing your eyes all day long at work while I'm on Skype. Those beautiful brown eyes that have long lashes. Those lashes that can run for miles, which used to poke me in the eyes when we kissed.
I miss kissing the back of your neck with your cute little baby curls. I miss your arms with the hairs that I don't like you shaving off because I love to just run my hands up and down your arms. I even miss the cute little mole on your arm. I love the way your blonde hair fell over your face onto mine. I miss your so fresh scent that brings me back to the first days that I came to see you in the UK. Every time I would go into your bathroom, I would just smell your towels and it smelled of you - heavenly.
I miss holding your hands and holding you tight in my arms. Now I just got a little more weak as Pandora started playing one of our songs from our movie, Wicker Park (that we always watched when we were together). It's true what Chris Martin sings, "nobody said it would be this hard...so take me back to the start." :'( I miss your silly jokes how you would make me laugh and just make me smile for days. I miss pinching your sweet butt, as I would make you jump every time I did that. Show me the muni!
I miss you swearing left and right like a sailor. Gamoto this, gamoto that. I miss you in your blue sleeping wear with the buttons (that I'd always unbutton and you'd button right back up) as you tie your hair back and wear your gold glasses. I miss your beautiful shaped legs. I miss your Armani jeans that embedded the shape of your ass on the Starbucks seat. I miss calling you baby, Moro mu and telling you right before you sign off Skype to go to sleep, "Onira glika, Moro mu."
I miss watching you pluck your eyebrows into perfection (as if you weren't already). I miss you cutting your nails and then you biting them afterwards, it's so sexy when you do that. I miss your daily talks on the phone to your mom - I actually listened even though I didn't understand I loved hearing your Greek. Although I understood when you were mad because you get so heated in your conversation and your voice raises louder and then you are begin talking with your hands while you are on the phone. I miss how much of a clean, neat freak you are. There is never a mess unless it was me or you and me together making the mess.
I miss our planning of visiting you and booking (and then going broke, but all worth it) my tickets to go on a long flight alone just to see you, although the flight didn't seem so long at all. I miss meeting you at the airport and you hugging me so tight and telling me why I'm not hugging you back. I miss finally getting into the elevator to get that long awaited kiss that we both have been craving. And then acting like nothing happened when the elevator door opened.
I miss just being wide awake with you as people would expect me to have jet lag, but maybe because I was here with you, I didn't feel tired at all. I miss sleeping on top of you even though I didn't notice (I'm sorry I'm such a heavy sleeper, it was all because I was waking up so early to be on Greek time)! I miss marking you all over your body and having marks from you for weeks like you had beaten me up.
I miss spending every single moment with you as much as I possibly could as if there wasn't a tomorrow. I miss how hard it was parting from you the day I always had to leave each morning at such a crazy early time. I miss the last hug and the feeling of your kiss on my cheek as we both had tears in our eyes because parting was such sweet sorrow. It was never easy for us leaving each other. I miss us texting back and forth to one another on how much we couldn't stand being without each other, that we were missing each other insanely and that you could smell my scent on your bed. And I wouldn't brush my teeth because I wanted to keep your taste in my mouth so that I can bring it all the way back to the states.
I miss being your fiancé and proudly wearing the other ring that showed off that I belonged to you and you belonged to me. And the list could go on and on, but then I wouldn't be able to stop writing this entry. But most of all, I miss you - mu lipis trela...you will always be my baby love.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Monday, March 7, 2011
Not my day nor my night.
Why not add insult to injury? Of all people, the very last fucking inhumane person on this earth that I wanted to see. Why don't you take my wound and marinate with salt and maybe throw in some gas and fire along with it? At the same time twist my heart into a shapeless form, while your at it! That'll do, what the fuck else do you have in store for me? Throw it at me, dammit!
How many special people change? How many lives are living strange?
I feel like the wind just got knocked out of my stomach. I feel nervous, my hands are shaking and everything surrounding me seems different. I'm really dazed and confused about what's happening. Why can't this pass? When it rains, it fucking pours and I feel like everyone is attacking me. The stupid guy that keeps harassing my work phone and keeps calling me, I finally told his ass off. My fucking boss, so rude, in the meeting yells at me and throws the paper at me like I'm a piece of trash. And lastly, the thing from the morning that put a huge damper on my mood for the rest of the day threw me way off - I don't know anymore. How so unfair things are, it's getting worse. I hate me, I hate people, I hate everything...
I'd rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I'm not.
I know I have many haters out there who are already reading my blog thinking negative thoughts about what I have written here, but if I didn’t write what I truly feel then this whole blog would be a lie and pointless. I know that one person doesn’t hate me as she told me she could never do that. So here I am writing this entry with a lump in my throat, heavy eyes and feeling totally helpless. Honestly, what I write is from my heart, from my intuition and this is not intended to offend anyone. I’m not trying to get anything back from anyone; I just say things that always are left hanging and having this blog is an outlet for me. What I think is that if people don’t want to be upset about this, they shouldn’t be reading my blog – just sayin’.
Hate Me lyrics
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
and will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things i didnt do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing
I won't touch againIn a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away" just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?
"Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.
For you
For you
For you
Watching my P's & Q's
Can I leave work now? I don't want anyone seeing me with tears rolling down my face. I can't concentrate, I don't want to be here, I can't breathe and I just want to hide again from the world. It's always my problem. Am I the black sheep? I certainly feel like that is a true statement. I don't fit in, here, there or anywhere. Fuck! Close the curtains! Where's the door?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Dream as if you'll live forever.
I dreamt of her again, it wasn't her face but I knew it was her. It was so real. I was happy again in love and being loved by her. It was so nice; I can't recall the whole dream but I felt that feeling again that I had been missing for months. The feeling that I had forgotten, it was so amazing. But then I awoke to reality and couldn't get back to the warmth. It made me sad and go into tears. I tried to go back to sleep but now I'm wide awake. I just want to sleep to dream and not wake up. =[
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Since You've Been Gone.
I tried my best to keep smiling again, but it was too hard to hold back the tears. Today would be 4 months and day since she decided to tear my heart into a million pieces. I go through roller coaster stages of my mood. And when I think that things would get easier, I'm back to were I started. Everything that was said and done keeps replaying itself over and over again in my mind like it was yesterday. And then I start thinking about dark thoughts again like Bella had felt when Edward had left her. The movie didn't do justice as the book had on how depressed Bella was when the love of her life walked out of her life. I really related to her sadness and lost and not wanting to live. Sometimes I think that if I bled to death that it would release me from my misery. I'd just drown in a pool of my blood. Or maybe if I jumped in front of the train it'd be over like that in a second. Another thing I saw that Sofia had shown to me was this Swedish guy suffocating himself. It looked so simple, when I saw that it didn't shock me at all. When I watched it; so hard to explain how I felt. Sadness shot through my body and everything felt heavier like my face drooped down and so did everything else. It was just such a weird feeling, but somehow I knew exactly why he was doing what he did. He wanted to escape from everything that was going on in his life that he couldn't handle. When should I make my great exit? No one would notice anyways since I'm invisible to the world :'(
Goodbye my Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
Goodbye my Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
Sometimes I may hate you, but I'll always love you...
Even though we've gone through our ups and downs in our relationship, there is no doubt the love that I have for the one who still holds my heart remains deep within me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Having gone to see her in Greece in June 2010 for almost 3 weeks, I didn't think that was the last that I was going to see her beautiful face and feel her sweet lips on mine. I even got her sick because I came to Greece with a cold and we both couldn't hold back kissing one another. I miss her a whole lot, as much as I want to get mad about the circumstances that happened - I can't hold my madness against her. It's hard when you love some so much that no matter how much they have hurt you, you let it all slide. I wish on my life, that I could have the passionate, sweet but tough love that we had back. I would give everything again just so I could feel alive. I know that I will never feel this way again and my life will never be the same. I love you Sofia, truth is I never stopped loving you even when you felt neglected or felt harassed about a mistake that got in the way of our love. I would do anything for you, honestly to the point that I'd die for you. This will never change and I'll be here hoping and waiting that one day that I would be resurrected from my zombie like state and see the greener side of the grass all over again.
One Night
Long day and I'm ready
I'm waiting for your call
'Cause I've made up my mind
My heart aches with a hunger
And I want that you were mine
No I cannot deny
So for one nightis it all right
That I give you
My heart
My love
My heart
Just for one night
My body
My soul
Just for one night
My love
My love
For one night
One night
One night
When morning awakes me
Well I know I'll be along
And I feel I'll be fine
So don't you worry about me
I'm not empty on my own
For inside I'm alive
That for one night
It was so right
That I gave you
My heart
My love
My heart
Just for one night
My body
My soul
Just for one night
My love
I loved
For one night
One night
One night
For one night
It was so right
That I gave you
My heart
My love
My heart
Just for one night
My body
My soul
Just for one night
My love
I loved
For one night
We loved
One night
One night
One night
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