It's sad to know that the one person you'd give everything to becomes some complete stranger that you don't know. The person that I once knew, isn't the same person who I had fallen in love with. When we last talked I felt like a nobody. I admitted to what I did and it seemed like I got a big fuck you out of it. And whenever I try to talk to her it's like she won't give me the time of the day. I feel like the client, my times up yet after the talk I feel 10 times worse. The whole time we talked, I had tears running down my face.
She tells me to keep my conclusions and opinions to myself and tells me that I don't know what she feels and what she thinks. Obviously, I know that and that's why I ask her but she doesn't want to give me an answer and blames the reason that it is the past. I never really got a straight answer and it sucks.
I remember asking my ex boyfriend, Lorian about our break up and what happened and I didn't get an attitude. He told me everything without a problem. I even asked him again last year (even if it was 9 years ago when we broke up i got the same answer) with ease. It hurt a lot to know that he was seeing someone a week after we broke and moved on so quickly but it helped me move on. Even though I moved on I never really got over him (until My ex Radek - when 5 yrs later Lorian & I met back again since our break up, that's another story) he always held a warm place in my heart. He's still a good friend that I can talk to about anything and everything.
I just wished it was just easier to talk like that with Sofia, but we always end up talking to each other like a bitter divorced couple. I was truly hurt the other day when we talked because before she told me that I could talk to her about anything and nothings changed - just that we aren't together. And of all people, i thought she would understand, but her actions show that she doesn't care. I feel that she is too good for me to even talk to now. I held everything back before because it's hard to say things to the one you love and still have feelings for, but it's just difficult because you can't say the things you really want to say. Especially to her, it ends up in an argument and I'm not trying to fight with her. I end up having to watch what I say because she'll get angry.
It's sad what we have become to one another. I'm just another face, another person she ran from. I feel like I'm just like the others. Maybe one day we can talk again without feeling like we are stabbing one another. I don't want to be an enemy. I don't want to hurt and feel sad each time we do talk, like we had on Tuesday. I'm glad to know that I do have people who do care about me. Lisa, Michelle and Dezzie brought a smile to my face when I really needed it. I don't feel as bad anymore, I just hope that I can keep my mood this way.
Having your heart broken is the worst. It doesn't matter how you get your heart broken; it still hurts. Pain is pain.
Take a Bow and You Don't Care :(
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