I'm special

Hello she said again

So I realize my type of women are really the intelligent, go getters not the rocker chics. And even though I like brunettes, I do love the blondes but not American barbies. Ew. Of course the european ones with the accents.

So I got her email today a day later with her apologizing for not getting back to me because of her busy schedule. I know how it is. Cute, she doesn't have to email me right back always.

We are so similar and have so much in common. It's cool she's the same person after the add on fb. I try to get back to her but it's really hard typing on an IPhone! Just like blogging, its hard (that's what she said).

Tarot reading for today

Today, you are wonderfully optimistic about matters of the heart, dear Cheryl! Lifted by the auspicious influence of the Sun and the Chariot, you’re making big steps forward in your romantic quest. If you’re single, you may find your soul mate today, and if you’re a couple you will re-discover your intimacy. Everything that has to do with love and emotions is under a benign influence today. So seize the opportunity – be passionate! In the professional sphere, you’re very close to achieving your goals, and success is almost within your reach... Now it’s just a matter of casting aside any doubts that the Lovers manage to instill in you. The Sun is high in the sky, providing a warm and benevolent influence on your professional environment. Why would you want to turn your back on this solar body when it is clearly promising you success? Could it be that you are afraid of success, dear Cheryl?

I just can't hide it

Still awake! Pretty excited for the events tonight. Got my camera, got my rockin' outfit and myself - ready to go! It's going all down tonight! Dj, dancing, fine wine and fine arts, friends and...

Well we'll see what else is to be expected. I'm still wide awake and hyper. So I guess I'll try to shut my eyes. Last night I fell asleep trying to write my blog and because it's on my phone I didn't get to set up my alarm. I did wake up on time though and I laughed at my half written paragraph of my blog, which made absolutely no sense haha. It's like I was drunk.

I'm going to try and catch some Zzzzz's....

Oh Boy!

My friend is crazy. I hate how he thinks he owns me. We aren't anything more, and he's got a girl! Poor girl, I don't care to share...EVER! So I invited him to the art event tomorrow and he's like, "ok I'm going to bring my girl so don't be all up on me!" Haha what? I was like, "whatever, it's the other way around." "Besides I'm bringing my date." He's like, "who is it?" I told him and he said, "oh it's a girl, that's fine." Then he says, "No it's not fine." Excuse me! I love woman more...he should know that by now!

To FB or not to FB? That is the question.

So now that she asked for my fb, I wonder what she thinks about me now. I'm sure she went through my dirty laundry, but that's ok because I have got nothing to hide. I am me.

We'll see, I liked talking minus the fb because I love getting the endless book sized emails.

So I'm now waiting anxiously for the next email and see how she reacts, she is a pretty cool chic and if she stays the same way she was before fb we will be just fine.

Nice early morning text

=]

Specifically who? Lol

Um could you narrow it down for me? =D

Hehe.

And there is that smile

Yesterday I was in a great mood. I began to smile again a lot and the pain has gotten easier. For 2 reasons, which I will not mention yet. I do know that I have a hard time trusting people. I just don't want to get hurt is all. I really hate that feeling. What I do know is I'm so tired. A bit too tired to think. So for the first time I'm going to sleep early. And 12.24pm is pretty earlier from the many times I was sleeping at. Ok goodnight.

P.S.

Check below to see my tarot.

Brand new, going to church does really help...

I'm hoping so. All my horoscopes from all my phone apps are saying good things:

Has it been difficult these past few days for you to communicate with those close to you? Are you skeptical about your charm? In fact, have you been feeling unsure of yourself lately? The day ahead is an excellent one for a fresh start, full of confidence. You have natural gifts as a diplomat, and your sense of refinement will once again attract notice and appreciation

=]

And more below!

Nervous Nelly

So I was sitting alone at lunch enjoying my cheese and crackers along with my tall white mocha and this beautiful chic asks if she can sit with me. She could have sat anywhere else that was open, but she chose to sit by me.

She had the looks of a younger Marissa Tomei, looking all cute with her geek sheik glasses. I told her sure go ahead, so I'm glad I picked up a magazine because she made me nervous the whole time. I could feel the blush in my cheeks.

I pretended that I was reading the magazine the whole time because I couldn't concentrate anymore reading it. I was more freaking out and trying to capture glimpses of her. The whole time we didn't talk and I didn't want to leave, but I had to go back to work.

Stupid me, didn't say a word to her when I left, but I think it was probably an open invitation to talk with her. I think that she was waiting for me to say something to her because she looked up at me and of course I walked away and didn't say a damn thing. Damn it, I should have given her my business card and ask her if she'd model for me. Why do I think of this after? FML

Here are the pics that I could get of her, I tried to get her face but it was too obvious. So one is of me pretending to read the magazine. I know, I'm such a dork.

No more tears?

Eyes wide open.

How do you greet everyone a Happy Easter when you aren't happy at all? Holy week has been the longest week ever and now it's all over and done with. It's about 3am on a Monday morning right now and I'm not able to sleep again. I'm tired of these sleepless nights. I really need a big change. Please let luck be on my side for once. God help me.

I need a miracle

Boy meets girl
You were my dream,my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle...
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

I'm nothing without you

They say that time heals all pain. I don't believe that, because for me it just gets worse. I still feel the hurt that same way as Sofia had given me those ever so heartbreaking words in October. It's tremendously hard for me to go on, when all I feel is emptiness inside.

Yesterday all the songs that was for me and Sofia just played one after another. Yet again, I couldn't stop crying. Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars played on the radio. My cousin said is this your song for Sofia? Tears fell down my face and I nodded yes it was one of our songs. She laughed and said that I'm silly for crying over a girl. I told her she's not just any girl, she's the girl I love.

Everywhere I went yesterday I saw faces, but the only face that I wanted to see, I couldn't find. I feel like I'm trapped in a stupid dream and I can't wake up. I'm just annoyed by everyone and want to punch their faces. How could everyone be all smiling and in such a happy mood?

I really feel that my life is pointless. All the best things in life, are not things at all. Without Sofia, I don't have anything to live for. So what is the meaning of me being on this earth? I feel so miserable everyday and I don't want to feel like this anymore. It hurts me so much and I want this pain to go away. I miss her so much and she's the only who would be able to end my feelings of isolation and hurt. I just want to SCREAM!!!!! God help me...

If I ain't got you

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think
That the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
That life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you, baby
If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share but no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you, baby
If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you, baby
If I ain't got you, baby

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

If I ain't got you with me, baby oh
Said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
I ain't got you with me, baby

I stay in love with her

I tell myself she'll come back around. There is no other person for me, if I have to wait a lifetime, so be it. I would rather stick around for the one I love, then to just pick any old someone to settle with. Once you don't have the one that you can't live without, all else doesn't matter.

I came into this world alone; she entered my life and brought color into my world. Then she walked away with my heart a second time and ever since, I haven't been able to function properly. The day my heartbeats again is the day she returns it. My life is not a life without her.

"Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. But there you are doing them...can't help it."

Stay in love

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside 'cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you don't know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds and I know

[Chorus:]
We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
'cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gonna act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

[Chorus x2]

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love.

The heart wants what it wants

The heart wants what the heart wants. You know what that means? It is a statement made by people who can’t explain why they are in love with person xyz. It is what you say when there is no logical explanation for your actions. It is a catchphrase, a tagline, a slogan and a motto.

The heart wants what the heart wants. It is the kind of thing you hear people say when they are trying to explain why they are hung up on someone from their past. Or maybe it is what you say when you stop denying the love that is in front of you.

If love were rational, if it were based upon logic life would be easier. When I think about some of the things I have done because of love I want to scream. When I consider the self-inflicted misery I have endured I want to cry because it seems so very foolish. How could I waste so much energy on such a silly thing as a woman, a single woman. The world is filled with millions of women. It should be easy to replace her. It should be as simple as changing shoes, but it is not. It is not, it is not.

The heart wants what the heart wants. It does and mine has chosen someone that is far more special to me than all of the others. My lips remember hers. I can still feel her, I can still smell her. I remember her face like it's in front of me, her long lashes and eyes that stare back at mine. I remember every curve, the way her hair fell on her face. It's so clear in my mind every single part of her.

Sometimes I think that reincarnation must be real and that in a past life I must have stolen fire from the gods or committed some other heinous crime. Because there is no logical reason why I would be punished in this manner. I found the woman that completes me. I found the person that makes me whole and now she's gone.

Her love was enough to let me believe that I could have been something more. Maybe in my past life I did something. I earned the wrath of those who sit in judgment. Or maybe it is nothing like that. Maybe there is no reason why. Maybe this is all there is and happiness is based upon some sort of random something or other.

The heart wants what it wants and mine has betrayed me. In a different life it lay in a green garden beneath bright blue skies and now it is filled with weeds and fields of shattered stone. Happiness is something that I can see but can't reach.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Sofia...

Always Be My Baby

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave boy
I will not stand in your way

But inevitably you'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling,'cause you'll always be my baby

(I know that you'll be back boy)
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh
(I know that)
You'll be right back, baby
Well, baby believe me it's only a matter of time, time

You'll always be apart of me
And I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
(And we will linger on and on)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
(Ooh baby)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

You'll always be apart of me
And I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
(No, no)

(You and I will always be)
And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
(You and I)
No way you're never gonna shake me
(You and I)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

(You and I will always be)
Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
(No way your never gonna shake me)
Do do doop dum
(No way your never gonna shake me)
Do do doop do doop da dum

(You and I will always be)
Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
(No matter what you do baby)
Do do doop do doop da dum

Sigh

I was laying in bed crying my eyes out and my doggie, Chanel gets up where she was laying and runs to me to lick and kiss me. That was so cute and sweet that she knew I wasn't feeling well. She came to cheer me up. Dogs are so loyal, people should learn a thing or two from these friendly creatures.

I'm gonna try to get some sleep earlier today because I hardly had even 2 hours of sleep last night.I hope to sleep well and not have any nightmares. Maybe I'll get lucky and have a better day tomorrow. Doubt it though, with my luck.

Fail

A marketing agency called me right away after I posted my resume on craigslist. I thought that this would give me the chance to grab a job in the field I had graduated from. I was so excited that my credentials where good enough to be called for an interview. I was actually happy and prepped up for the big day.

I was ready to go and get the job from this google-like company. I really wanted that job so extremely bad, but then the day of, I choked. I stumbled upon my words, my voice cracked and I couldn't sell myself. I sold myself short.

As I was sitting in the seat getting interviewed by these 3 people, I felt small and I just wanted to run and hide. The words coming out of my mouth weren't the words I wanted to answer. I sat there and I knew that I was talking like a fool. After the interview I wanted to jump into lake Michigan. I went over and over everything they asked me in my head on how I should of answered things the rest if the day. I fucking completely failed.

I don't know exactly what is my purpose on this earth. I feel like I'm a complete waste of spa e on this earth. When, I called to follow up with the marketing agency today for one last chance of hope, even though I knew I wasn't going to get it, I thought maybe my resume would help win them over. Leaving the message with the marketing firm, I freaked out again. It was just a damn voicemail! WTF is wrong with me?

When I received the email today, I still had one ounce of hope that they'd give me a try me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting it either. What I knew was the final verdict; I didn't get the job. It broke me and made me cry. I wanted to be a full-time production assistant for a big marketing agency.

Stupid me couldn't even remember to tell them that I also am a newly, photographer on the side. I sat there and fucking froze and when I tried to explain myself, I sounded like I couldn't speak English. Well hopefully, this other job I recently interviewed for, I will get it. If not, I don't want to try anymore.

:( Email that put me in such a damper mood:

Thank you for taking the time to meet with our interview team at ______ _____ Marketing. We are fortunate to have many well-qualified candidates apply for this position. After careful consideration we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you employment at this time.

Please accept our best wishes and thank you for your interest in our company.

I have my friends trying to give me hope and push me to not give up, but I'm feeling like I'm a total failure. I wish I could be strong, but I've lost my heart to go on. I try really hard to stay positive, but all I can feel is this negative energy. Everyday i have this heaviness in my eyes on my chest.

I just can't win with anything. Im tired of feeling isolated. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of living in this world, if I'm going to feel depressed like this everyday. Can't I wake up from this nightmare already? Please, stop punishing me.

The truth is, when you have the one you love, no matter how hard things get - you have everything and you can conquer all. I'm lost in this mean and cold world. I've lost my backbone and the support that meant the most to me. I really need to get out of here.

Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Turn that frown, upside down :(

I see my eyes now and compare them to my old pics and there is a huge difference. My eyes used to smile without being forced. Now all I see are sad eyes. What happened to me? Why can't I get back to my happy place again? Because she's not around anymore...

FML :/

Clumsy

Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it

First time that I saw your eyes
Boy, you looked right through me
Play it cool but I knew you knew
That cupid hit me

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you

Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it

Can't breath when you touch me, see
Butterflies so crazy
Whoa now, think I'm goin' down
Friends don't know what's with me

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love
You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you

She can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it

You know this ain't the first time
This has happened to me, this love sick thing
I like serious relationships
And a girl like me don't stay single for long

'Cause every time a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up
And bites me and I'm back

Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it

Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it, the girl can't help it
Can't help it

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love
You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you

Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love
You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you
So in love with you, so in love with you

Love bites </3

When we're younger there is not much to be worried about, maybe because we simply have faith in believing in everything. Even making a wish, blowing candles every year. We still believe maybe one day those sack of wishes would come true.

As you grow up, you start facing what the world didn't prepare you for. All the mean, hurtful words, the plain promises, the broken lies, and the betrayal. This must be what we've been living, to grow up with the pain.

Heartbreak would be the worst of all pains, especially from the one you gave your all to and in return you get nothing back. How is that ever fair? What about when you get left behind for another, for whatever reason. Does that make it right to go off behind someone's back to find happiness with that other person? The wise said if someone left you for another, they never loved you to begin with.

Life isn't ever fair, things may not go your way many times. If I could only go back to the days of when I was a kid. When I was happy and felt loved. I was protected and my parents made sure that I wouldn't get hurt by anyone. Everything seemed perfect back then, now all that has vanished. I don't know what to look forward to anymore.

Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
One still in love while the other one's leaving
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no

She is my world

I think about her like I have always thought about her. She consumes my mind throughout the whole day. I miss her so much. If I could just be with her right now and hold her so tight and close, that I could hear her heartbeat, that would mean the world to me. If I could just have her for one night, I would be happy once again. Then I can die peacefully knowing that I became whole again. Waiting for that day to arrive, when the tears of sadness turn into to tears of joy. I'll give up everything just to have her again. Please.

Don't You Remember

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

Today

Today is a big day for me. I'm hoping I do well and not screw up. I just wish I had the one I love to help me pull through. There isn't a moment or a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I really miss her and I need her in my so called life. Baby, please come back home ='[ I've got so much to tell ya, let's start off first with: I love you...

Come home

[Verse 1]
Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh

[Verse 2]
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oh

[Interlude]
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
So hear this now

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

Emo baggage

My friend told me he remembered when he first met me that he used to see me as this big smiley girl. He told me that I'm pretty and need to smile more. He was like now you look all depressed. He told me, "don't be emo." I don't know how to be that girl again. I don't feel pretty and I can't fully smile. I'm nothing but sadness and tears.

I fell so hard in love and it tore me to bits. I feel totally and utterly alone. My heart feels like it's always in my throat all the time and my eyes constantly tear. I hate that I can't control it and everyone can see me on the train wiping my tears and nose. I really don't know what to do. The one thing that always crosses my mind is how to end myself. Is that normal to think of everyday? I'll be fine for a moment and then I'll be down again. It's a constant cycle.

Coming back to Chicago got me all depressed again. Chicago reminds me too much of her and now more the fact that I'm without out her. Love takes such a major toll on me. You would think that a mental health psychologist wouldn't leave you all messed up, but that doesn't mean anything really. She could have been the Queen or the president and still I would feel the exact same - heartbroken.

Why does it hurt so bad? Because I'm so in love with her. I would go through everything again with her, the ups and downs, as long as I would have her ending up with me. My life is nothing without her, it's just all dull and grey. And where the smiles I used to have at any moment is now replaced with frowns and tears.

I remember when Sofia said that if I wasn't with her, she wouldn't know what to do and she would stay alone. Well that's how I'm feeling and it's painful. The one person who gave me life, took it all away just like that. I miss the one I love, so much. I cant breathe from all this crying. I just want to disappear.

6, 8 12

Ooh, ooh
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

[1] - It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

[Repeat 1]

It's hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

[Repeat 1]

Sing it for me
Ooh, ooh

Bad dream

I had such a long dream, but I couldn't remember the whole thing. Well in my dream this girl who was supposedly Sofia came back and seeing her my heart dropped. I guess she came back to get some of her belongings. We were in a house with a bunch of people who I didn't know and I was asking Sofia for answers. She kept walking away from me not wanting to give me answers. I kept following her and she kept avoiding me like she was scared.

There was this bald guy with glasses who showed up and he was talking to her. Then I pulled Sofia away into another room and was holding her tight in my arms, she had her head laying under my chin. I held her telling her how much I love her and was wanting to know why we broke up. She kept avoiding answering me and then she went somewhere.

I walked around the place and saw Sofia laying in the guys arms and calling him baby. My heart dropped again and I said to her, "WHY?" she kept saying things to me, but I couldn't understand a word, I was lost. Then I asked the guy how long they've been together and he was telling me 5 years. I cried so hard and said to Sofia how could she be with him and me at the same time.

Being in the dream was painful, it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and it's just the worst feeling. In the dream what hurt even more was that she knew what she had done to me and didn't care how it hurt me. She was just being so insensitive, she didn't show any remorse. They say you shouldn't pry or ask any questions, because you'll find out something you didn't want to know. Curiosity killed the cat. Ain't that the truth.

How could you

[Verse:]
It's kinda crazy baby,
How I remember things, (like where you came from and how you had nothin)
I went and made you fly,
Put extras on your ride, (didn't miss a birthday now u cant even remember mine)

[Hook:]
U made it clear to me (you wasn't down for me),
(Love made me blind, baby) but now I see,
(you had things up your sleeve, dont even lie to me) I even heard it from your family,

[Chorus:]
How could you let somebody lay where I layed?
How could you give him everything that we made?
How could you call him all the names that you used to call me?
How could You How Could You just forget about me?
How Could You teach him all the things I taught You?
How Could You put him up to the Ghetto Kama Sutra?
How Could You put me in the back and give him the front seat?
How Could You How Could You just forget about me?

[Verse:]
You must be out ya mind,
You got alot of nerve (to think that im gone chill after all the shit I heard),
I damn near carried you,
I could've married you,
Good thing I found out before I bought that 7 karat for ya,
(I kno ur sick about) the way I found you out,
(GO head and pack it out) I hope he's got room in his house,
You should have thought of me b4 you hopped in the sheets,
Damn I cant believe that u did this to me

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Girl I tried to give u everything,
Can't believe the ways u repaid me,
Girl u had it all,
But I guess my all wasn't good enough for you,
Baby I've accepted it,
And I aint gone trip,
Girl im movin on,
Sometimes I cant help but think that another man's gonna get the one I made for me

[Chorus]

How could you let somebody lay where I layed?
How could you give him everything that we made?
How could you call him all the names that you used to call me?
How could you, How could you just forget about me?
How could you teach him all the things I taught you??
How could you put him up to the Ghetto Kama Sutra??

Since you've been gone

My world's been fucked up and turn upside down. Was it your intention to ruin me, take my heart and stomp it on the ground? Intentionally rip my heart into a million pieces, so that i can't ever find them to put back together? Really was I that bad? I don't know what to do. How can I ever find happiness again? How can i ever live again? You left, I died. Everything around me is a fucking blur, when will these tears stop? Where do I begin? When do I end?...Lord help me.

Sweet Sweet Baby

just a sweet sweet baby
just a sweet sweet baby
just a sweet sweet baby
What a sweet sweet baby!
Why do you want to hurt me
I ain't did nothin' worng
Well you don't deserve me
To much heartache too long

first you tell me your hurting
then you tell me
you don't need me anyway anyway
You've got nothin' to learn
you've chained me baby
I will break you to get free

just a sweet sweet baby
just a sweet sweet baby
just a sweet sweet baby
What a sweet sweet baby!
Why do you want to hurt me
I ain't did nothin' worng
Well you don't deserve me
To much heartache too long

You think you got what i need
to build me up to keep me down here
on my knees
So you better leave me alone
Your heart is too painfull
So baby just let go of me

Wrong...

on so many levels!!!

As the Jersey Shore's guidettes would say: Girl Code!

How does it know how I feel?

I had an interview for my dream job yesterday with the kind of company I so want to work for. Well I've been hitting myself on the head all day for sucking at the interview. Why do I have to always be nervous and end up talking like I'm not from the US? I feel like such a failure.

I seriously hope that I will get this other dream job of mine. It's another thing that I can add to my resume. Please let my resume speak for my qualifications. Give this one at least....please!

Take it all

You would think with time that your pain would heal, but for me, my heart hurts just as much as the other times it was broken. Actually it hurts the most now, more than ever. It's worst than the first time and the second time she broke my heart. I have this heavy pain in my chest that keeps me from living life the same way I used to.

When she left me, she took everything with her. I miss her so extremely much, it kills me. If only I can feel the love and passion again of what we had, i'd be complete again. I remember the time I brought her to the airport and dropped her off for a second to check her bag in, the cop wouldn't let me stay. She said I couldn't even leave my car to let Sofia know that I had to circle around again because my car would get towed. I was so afraid I wasn't going to have a chance to say goodbye to her. I got in my car and drove as slow as possible, but she still wasn't there and I was crying uncontrollably. I was panicking trying to call her, but her phone was off. I texted her hoping she would know to turn her phone on to check to see if I tried to get a hold of her. I was freaking out because when I had to go back to the international terminal, it wasn't just around the corner. I was driving like a maniac so that I can say one last bye to my baby love. I was frantic going in circles trying not to get stopped by the police while my heart was dropping.

Finally as I reached the terminal, feeling like it was the end of the world, I smiled seeing her stand outside waiting for me. I opened the door with a big smile and she told me she was scared I left her. I said are you kidding me I wouldn't ever leave you like that (I kept my promise). We drove to the parking lot to hang out for a bit, while we waited for the last minutes of our precious time together in Chicago. We held each others hands as we were sad that we were soon about to part. She was in my arms and we had our last kisses. I kissed her all over her sweet face. The saddest part was having to drop her off again at the terminal, we had our last kisses and she walked away into O'hare airport leaving with my heart. It was the last sincere goodbye that I would have from her. (The feeling of leaving her in Greece the very last time I saw her in the flesh, didn't feel like Chicago or UK - completely different, I sensed it). Driving back to my house without her hand in my hand was the longest and loneliest drive back home. I fucking miss her like hell. I need her so much, I fucking love her like crazy. No one will ever understand me like she does :'(

I relate so much to many of Adele's song and this song below says it all...

Take it all

Didn't I give it all?
Tried my best,
Gave you everything I had,
Everything and no less,
Didn't I do it right?
Did I let you down?

Maybe you got too used to,
Having me around,
Still, how can you walk away,
From all my tears?
It's gonna be an empty road,
Without me right here,

But go on and take it,
Take it all with you,
Don't look back,
At this crumbling fool,
Just take it all,
With my love,
Take it all,
With my love,

Maybe I should leave,
To help you see,
Nothing is better than this,
And this is everything we need,
So is it over?
Is this really it?
You're giving up so easily,
I thought you loved me more than this,

But go on, go on and take it,

Take it all with you,
Don't look back,
At this crumbling fool,
Just take it all,
With my love,
Take it all,
With my love,

I will change if I must,
Slow it down and bring it home,
I will adjust,
Oh, if only,
If only you knew,
Everything I do is for you,

But go on, go on and take it,
Take it all with you,
Don't look back,
At this crumbling fool,
Just take it,
Take it all with you,
Don't look back,
At this crumbling fool,
Just take it all,
With my love,
Take it all,
With my love,
Take it all,
With my love.

Time

I totally forgot that I wrote this letter to Sofia :[
I meant every word of it, i'm still hurting and it brought me to tears...
Did she even read it? Did she even care? :/

Why was I unhappy in our relationship?
I was unhappy in our relationship because you were being friends with people that were flirting with you and that it seemed like you were leading them on because they kept flirting with you in front of my face, which I felt, was disrespectful. I have realized that it was very stupid, childish and insecure of me to even put so much energy into something that wasn’t even there. When in reality, the person who you are with, care for and love is me.

I was also unhappy because I was hidden as a secret in your life to everyone. In some part, I felt I wasn’t important enough for you to share the person that you love. It hurt me because it felt like you weren’t proud of being with me or that you didn’t want anyone to know because you wanted to see what else was out there. I felt like all I was just your online friend that was just there to keep you company when no one else was around and nothing more. I couldn’t even call you, while I’d watch other people call you and you talked with them freely. I felt it wasn’t fair. It made me sad that I couldn’t call you like a friend as any other, your family wouldn’t know. I was also sad that you wouldn’t even tell your flirts that you were in a relationship and I felt like I didn’t matter and I thought it was insensitive. I just was uncomfortable being kept a secret. Despite knowing how strict your family is and how others would think of you. I felt like you were ashamed of me, because for the one you love you wouldn’t care what anyone felt, but at the same time I know you love your family and you wouldn’t want to lose them and their support. Blood is thicker than water.

I was unhappy that you were sticking to your parents and I felt that you weren’t going anywhere or trying to leave for our relationship. Like it wasn’t going to move, because we have been talking for 3 years and you kept saying you were going to do this and that, go here or there and still nothing happened. I felt like I was waiting for eternity, only because I wanted to be with you already. And that all this was just to be just me living here and you there. And when I asked you about how we will be together I didn’t feel reassured because you were always just laughing, but we never really had a serious talk about it. To you it just felt like I was pushing you and all I was trying to figure out was how to be with you in any possible way I can. I felt that you weren’t giving the same percentage of trying to work out things for us.

What I love about our relationship?
What I love about you is that despite how many times people have treated you badly; your attitude is that you come at them with open arms. You bite your teeth and you still stay nice to them. I have a problem with my temper and I just speak my mind before even thinking and sometimes you hold it in and other times you know how to put me in my place. And what I love about you is that you can tell me how to calm down and tell me when I’m wrong. I love that you don’t hold grudges and know that every person is a human being no matter what; you always see the good in them.
I love that you care for me. You are telling me Cheryl you have to call this and you have to talk to your mom and the list goes on and on. You are always giving me advice on how I should be and helping me feel better about myself even though you have to deal with my up and down behavior. I love that you are always looking out for the best for me and even though you think I don’t listen to you…after 4-5 times haha (adhd?) then I finally hear what you are saying. You know that I take everything you tell me to heart and I appreciate that, I genuinely take in all the advice that you give me. Most especially that talk when we were at Natasa’s business and everything you told me made sense and I’ve taken it to heart. And it felt great for the one that I love telling me these things.

I love how patient you are with me, even though I’m a pain in the ass at times. I know that I have been so controlling, obsessive and being jealous with you and it’s not your fault. It’s from my insecurity. I had lost you once and losing you it’ll bring the death in me. Because having you and hearing your voice, really you are the loudest person in my head. I think of you all day and all night. You are my muse the reason for me to live each day. I get so excited by talking with you through Skype, seeing your face, or anything that has anything to do with you. You are my world, my life, my beginning and my end. If I can’t have you, my life is blah. I don’t understand what the point of my life is because you give me life. I don’t care for extravagant gifts (they are an added plus, but not needed). The only thing that I really need is your heart, your love and from that I have a reason to get up so very early in the morning. You are what motivate me.

What I love about you is that you are family oriented. You are so caring with your family. You are there to help them out in anytime of need despite the way you are feeling. You could be tired, annoyed, stressed with anything (most especially me :/) But somehow you rise above all those things and you go out of your way to do things for them with out saying no. A person who cares about their family would do the same and treat the one they love in such a caring, loving way. And you do that to me. You are not only my best friend and partner, but you are my family.
I love how determined you are even though I felt that you weren’t trying to get anywhere with us. You were trying to get somewhere with yourself. Weather it be with you and your freelance writing jobs, your practice that you opened up and your live TV appearance on Megatv. You’ve finally made it and that won’t stop you, not even me. I loved how confident, natural and beautiful you looked on TV and it made me so happy to see you. I wanted to share the moment with you  I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the video, but it made me feel close to you since I hardly get to see you or hear your voice as often as I would like. I’m so very proud of you for being there and I’m sorry for giving you a hard time and being the negative person in your life. I just care about you deeply and that’s why I act the way I did. I know now it could be a little too much. I didn’t realize how things are going on your end and I didn’t take that into consideration.

I love how educated you are with all the degrees that you have taken, that is handwork and commitment. Even if you think that having all those degrees means nothing in Greece, it really does. You put late nights and having stress through doing homework to writing papers and taking exams. You having that commitment that shows how you can be committed not only in school and work and love. I love how you have committed 3 years of your life being with me through the distance and through the ups and downs that we have gone through.

Other things that I love about you. I love the way you kiss. The way you make love. The way your hair falls on your face when your lips touch mine. I love the way your body feels in whatever shape or form it is; I love every inch of it – from head to toes. I love the way you smell, the scent just calms me and I know that it’s my baby love that only has that amazing clean and fresh smell that I always long for. I love the way you touch me weather it’s you holding my facing or pinching me or teasing me in all different ways that make me laugh or turn me on. I love your sweet smile, especially because I make you smile. I love your long, sexy lashes that poke me in the eye. I love the way you look at me in your sexy ways, your loving ways, your pissed off ways and in just any way. I love little IA and the way you taste. I love your hair on your arms or the little hairs that where missed on your body or face by laser. I love how you write on my fb or dedicate songs on fb to me. I love getting your surprise texts that you send in the mornings or whenever you are doing this or that, it’s so cute and sweet. I love the way you call me baby. I love that you answer my calls at 4am in the morning and how sweet you sound over the phone. I love your stubbornness, your moodiness. I just love everything about you. I just love you. And I can’t live without you – you are truly the reason that I get up and live life everyday because I have you.

My goal in my life is to be with you as your best friend, your partner and to balance you out as the other half to help out in things within our life. I want to stop being a control freak and listen to you and not lash out on stupid little things. I want to love you in the way you have deserved it, how you felt loved when you fell in love with me the first time. I don’t want to overwhelm you with things and become a negative person in your life that you would turn yourself away from me. I want to have a clear communication and to show you that I have complete trust with you. I don’t want us to get weak, but only grow stronger. I proposed twice and I stuck around for 3 years and it wasn’t out of habit. It was for the love of my life, which is you – my one and only love. I love you so much and I can’t see myself without you – you are everything to me. You are the one that takes my breath away….you do…you have…my life. All that I know.



For you to notice


I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...


But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you TO need me, for you to notice me

(Repeat Verse 1)
I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...

Funny convo with Nicolassa

1.35 AM

I'm wide awake. I'm not feeling tired, but I'm afraid if I don't try to get some sleep - it's gonna kick me in the ass. I wish I could just go to sleep and dream again. Lately my dreams have been nice, but I remember them vaguely. I do remember though, this girl who keeps showing up in them. Shes pretty, but i can't really grasp how her face looks. Although I have no idea who she is, she is simply amazing. She's just some random girl who's absolutely sweet. I wonder if she is real, maybe we'll meet - who knows? This life is fucking fucking full of surprises.

True and True!?

My love life is only one sided :/

Second time my tarot card is saying that I'm going abroad. Cross fingers that it is the plan.

Nobody home

Everything is all going so well for me, but I'm not complete. Sadly, I don't have Sofia in my life to share things with, I'm feeling empty. Everything is nothing without her. My life feels so meaningless. I'm such a loner. Everyone was right about this and they all have the last laugh. As I have been told, "You will be alone." *sob*

Only the Lonely

Each place I go only the lonely go
Some little small cafè
The songs I know only the lonely know
Each melody recalls a love that used to be
The dreams I dream only the lonely dream
Of lips as warm as May
That hopeless scheme only the lonely scheme
That soon somewhere you'll find the one that used to care
And you recall each fun time
Those picnics at the beach when love was new
It well could be the one time
A hopeless little dream like that comes true
If you find love hang on to each caress
And never let love go
For when it's gone you'll know the loneliness
The heartbreak only the lonely know

Abroad?

Pretty much that's true so me moving overseas? I hope...

Imgonnadiealone

I'm sitting here at the table at a buffet, feeling all alone again even though I'm surrounded by hundreds of people. I try real hard not to cry, but the tears I can't control. I try so hard to get into a happy mood, but I always end up so sad.

Charles came to work the other day and he told me that he was getting married. I laughed in his face, he wasn't joking. I guess he loves Jasmine, even though he cheated on her numerous times. He ended up back with her. He seems happier and it's the first time he didn't ask me about Rachel. He asked me, "weren't you engaged?" I looked down. He said, "it's a touchy subject isn't it?" I told him yes and he said sorry and not to hit him for asking.

Then at Nicole's potluck party, I found out Charlie got engaged too. He proposed to his girlfriend. Everyone asked how long has him and Greta been together, I listened closely because he was trying to ask me out at the time. He said 3 years. So it was the same time as long as Sofia and I had been together and it brought me down, yet again.

If I wanted to settle, I would go with each person that asks me out. I don't want really anyone. The one I crush, we are so similar but at the same time, we are still in love with our exes. She also reminds me of Sofia with her psychology majors, her job with children who have disabilities, the way she thinks and how she's always trying to help me. Although, we both suffer heartache and still wish that we could be back again with our loves. I'd just want her for comfort. I get such nice hugs from my guy friends, but I don't want to take it any further with them. I'm happy just being such good friends and that's about it.

I think if I don't kill myself, I will die alone. I'm so unhappy.

Without you

No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now it's only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

Well I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

(Oh, Can't Live, Can't Live) x2

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

I take one step back, but then I find myself coming back.

The truth is, its easier to get mad than feel the pain. Yes I felt betrayed and I said things because I was hurt by what was done to me. No matter what was done to me, there is no doubt that I still love her. All I want is to be back with the love of my life and start over again. My feelings for her will never go away. I love Sofia.

Wait for you

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I?m missing you and I?m wishing
You would come back through my door, ooh
Why did you have to go? You could've let me know
So now I?m all alone

Girl, you could have stayed but you wouldn?t give me a chance
With you not around it?s a little bit more than I can stand, ooh
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it?s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don?t know what else I can do
Don?t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I?ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me?)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away, everything stays the same
I just can?t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back?
Girl, I told you what it is and it just ain?t like that
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elliott-yamin-lyrics/wait-for-you-lyrics.html )
No, why can?t you look at me? You?re still in love with me
Don?t leave me crying

Baby, why can?t we just, just start over again?
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you?re telling me it won?t be enough

So baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don?t know what else I can do
Don?t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I?ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it?s a lie what you?re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby, I will wait for you
Baby, I will wait for you
If it?s the last thing I do

Baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don?t know what else I can do
Don?t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain?t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I?ll wait for you

I?ll be waiting

Oh no you di' int!

Yesterday I was getting a headache from being mad. At work I was in such a spiteful mood. I started to contemplate about things that I had done for people; the ones dearly that I hold close to my heart. I started feeling completely unappreciated and used. It's just not fair to get the end of the stick, while being blamed and accused to look into myself for why things turned out the way they did. Why put all the fault on me? That is such a cowardly and selfish thing to do. Why must people be so prideful that they can't admit that they are to blame as well. If you mess up, well then fess up! My big fucking heart is so trusting, that people take advantage of it all the time. Sad, how mean people can turn out to be.

I watched teen mom last night and I was getting annoyed by this girl's relationship with her baby daddy. It's a pity how he had treated her. He was being so insensitive to her feelings as she was questioning who he was with and where he works. He cheated on her and he had the nerve to give her attitude. What he did, gave her a reason to feel and thin the way she did. All she was asking was to get some clarification and to make her not feel so insecure. Instead of assuring her, he was getting mad and telling her that she needs to make a change. Clearly, she loves him and instead of being able to talk things out and get to the bottom of things - he walks away.

Later on he starts acting like a jack ass and becomes distant to her. He tells her that he cheated 5 times in their relationship because of how she was. Well it doesn't make it right to cheat on someone if things aren't smooth sailing in a relationship. You don't run off to the next person who pays attention to you because you feel alone. You talk it out and break it off before you do things that would hurt the other person if they found out. Even if you felt many times that they hurt you or weren't giving you what you need, it's only fair to break up with the person from the moment you decided things weren't working out. That's the mature way of handling things.

If the person isn't treating you the way you think things should be then before you turn around and decide to only think about yourself - also remember the other person has feelings too. Maybe they hurt you, but doesn't mean you have to go and hurt them too. Two wrongs don't make a right. So what happened with the girl and her baby daddy was he walked out and left her again. She did everything for him. He was a free loader living in her house as she supported him. Sad thing was she even defended him against her bff who used to live with her first before she couldn't take him any longer and moved out. Her dad warned her and friends warned her about taking him back. She lost her friend over this good for nothing douche bag who didn't even give a shit. All because she loved him and thought he would change his ways. But he never changed, he was still the same jerk off to begin with. That was my gripe on that.

On a brighter note, I watched the reunion show of Jersey Shore. -It's the only thing that would make me happy and keep smiling for an hour every Thursday. I wasn't able to stay long enough to it because I had to leave. I didn't get to finish the show. I was kind of disappointed on that part.

Wow fell asleep writing this blog and now I'm late for work! Well I'm not going in. Fuck that!

Unfaithful

Story of my life, searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul ?cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man and this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

I feel it in the air as I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss up on my cheek, he's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late

I say I won't be long just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

?Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore, anymore

And I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer
A murderer, no no no
Yeah