Time

I totally forgot that I wrote this letter to Sofia :[
I meant every word of it, i'm still hurting and it brought me to tears...
Did she even read it? Did she even care? :/

Why was I unhappy in our relationship?
I was unhappy in our relationship because you were being friends with people that were flirting with you and that it seemed like you were leading them on because they kept flirting with you in front of my face, which I felt, was disrespectful. I have realized that it was very stupid, childish and insecure of me to even put so much energy into something that wasn’t even there. When in reality, the person who you are with, care for and love is me.

I was also unhappy because I was hidden as a secret in your life to everyone. In some part, I felt I wasn’t important enough for you to share the person that you love. It hurt me because it felt like you weren’t proud of being with me or that you didn’t want anyone to know because you wanted to see what else was out there. I felt like all I was just your online friend that was just there to keep you company when no one else was around and nothing more. I couldn’t even call you, while I’d watch other people call you and you talked with them freely. I felt it wasn’t fair. It made me sad that I couldn’t call you like a friend as any other, your family wouldn’t know. I was also sad that you wouldn’t even tell your flirts that you were in a relationship and I felt like I didn’t matter and I thought it was insensitive. I just was uncomfortable being kept a secret. Despite knowing how strict your family is and how others would think of you. I felt like you were ashamed of me, because for the one you love you wouldn’t care what anyone felt, but at the same time I know you love your family and you wouldn’t want to lose them and their support. Blood is thicker than water.

I was unhappy that you were sticking to your parents and I felt that you weren’t going anywhere or trying to leave for our relationship. Like it wasn’t going to move, because we have been talking for 3 years and you kept saying you were going to do this and that, go here or there and still nothing happened. I felt like I was waiting for eternity, only because I wanted to be with you already. And that all this was just to be just me living here and you there. And when I asked you about how we will be together I didn’t feel reassured because you were always just laughing, but we never really had a serious talk about it. To you it just felt like I was pushing you and all I was trying to figure out was how to be with you in any possible way I can. I felt that you weren’t giving the same percentage of trying to work out things for us.

What I love about our relationship?
What I love about you is that despite how many times people have treated you badly; your attitude is that you come at them with open arms. You bite your teeth and you still stay nice to them. I have a problem with my temper and I just speak my mind before even thinking and sometimes you hold it in and other times you know how to put me in my place. And what I love about you is that you can tell me how to calm down and tell me when I’m wrong. I love that you don’t hold grudges and know that every person is a human being no matter what; you always see the good in them.
I love that you care for me. You are telling me Cheryl you have to call this and you have to talk to your mom and the list goes on and on. You are always giving me advice on how I should be and helping me feel better about myself even though you have to deal with my up and down behavior. I love that you are always looking out for the best for me and even though you think I don’t listen to you…after 4-5 times haha (adhd?) then I finally hear what you are saying. You know that I take everything you tell me to heart and I appreciate that, I genuinely take in all the advice that you give me. Most especially that talk when we were at Natasa’s business and everything you told me made sense and I’ve taken it to heart. And it felt great for the one that I love telling me these things.

I love how patient you are with me, even though I’m a pain in the ass at times. I know that I have been so controlling, obsessive and being jealous with you and it’s not your fault. It’s from my insecurity. I had lost you once and losing you it’ll bring the death in me. Because having you and hearing your voice, really you are the loudest person in my head. I think of you all day and all night. You are my muse the reason for me to live each day. I get so excited by talking with you through Skype, seeing your face, or anything that has anything to do with you. You are my world, my life, my beginning and my end. If I can’t have you, my life is blah. I don’t understand what the point of my life is because you give me life. I don’t care for extravagant gifts (they are an added plus, but not needed). The only thing that I really need is your heart, your love and from that I have a reason to get up so very early in the morning. You are what motivate me.

What I love about you is that you are family oriented. You are so caring with your family. You are there to help them out in anytime of need despite the way you are feeling. You could be tired, annoyed, stressed with anything (most especially me :/) But somehow you rise above all those things and you go out of your way to do things for them with out saying no. A person who cares about their family would do the same and treat the one they love in such a caring, loving way. And you do that to me. You are not only my best friend and partner, but you are my family.
I love how determined you are even though I felt that you weren’t trying to get anywhere with us. You were trying to get somewhere with yourself. Weather it be with you and your freelance writing jobs, your practice that you opened up and your live TV appearance on Megatv. You’ve finally made it and that won’t stop you, not even me. I loved how confident, natural and beautiful you looked on TV and it made me so happy to see you. I wanted to share the moment with you  I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the video, but it made me feel close to you since I hardly get to see you or hear your voice as often as I would like. I’m so very proud of you for being there and I’m sorry for giving you a hard time and being the negative person in your life. I just care about you deeply and that’s why I act the way I did. I know now it could be a little too much. I didn’t realize how things are going on your end and I didn’t take that into consideration.

I love how educated you are with all the degrees that you have taken, that is handwork and commitment. Even if you think that having all those degrees means nothing in Greece, it really does. You put late nights and having stress through doing homework to writing papers and taking exams. You having that commitment that shows how you can be committed not only in school and work and love. I love how you have committed 3 years of your life being with me through the distance and through the ups and downs that we have gone through.

Other things that I love about you. I love the way you kiss. The way you make love. The way your hair falls on your face when your lips touch mine. I love the way your body feels in whatever shape or form it is; I love every inch of it – from head to toes. I love the way you smell, the scent just calms me and I know that it’s my baby love that only has that amazing clean and fresh smell that I always long for. I love the way you touch me weather it’s you holding my facing or pinching me or teasing me in all different ways that make me laugh or turn me on. I love your sweet smile, especially because I make you smile. I love your long, sexy lashes that poke me in the eye. I love the way you look at me in your sexy ways, your loving ways, your pissed off ways and in just any way. I love little IA and the way you taste. I love your hair on your arms or the little hairs that where missed on your body or face by laser. I love how you write on my fb or dedicate songs on fb to me. I love getting your surprise texts that you send in the mornings or whenever you are doing this or that, it’s so cute and sweet. I love the way you call me baby. I love that you answer my calls at 4am in the morning and how sweet you sound over the phone. I love your stubbornness, your moodiness. I just love everything about you. I just love you. And I can’t live without you – you are truly the reason that I get up and live life everyday because I have you.

My goal in my life is to be with you as your best friend, your partner and to balance you out as the other half to help out in things within our life. I want to stop being a control freak and listen to you and not lash out on stupid little things. I want to love you in the way you have deserved it, how you felt loved when you fell in love with me the first time. I don’t want to overwhelm you with things and become a negative person in your life that you would turn yourself away from me. I want to have a clear communication and to show you that I have complete trust with you. I don’t want us to get weak, but only grow stronger. I proposed twice and I stuck around for 3 years and it wasn’t out of habit. It was for the love of my life, which is you – my one and only love. I love you so much and I can’t see myself without you – you are everything to me. You are the one that takes my breath away….you do…you have…my life. All that I know.



For you to notice


I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...


But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you TO need me, for you to notice me

(Repeat Verse 1)
I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...