Fail

A marketing agency called me right away after I posted my resume on craigslist. I thought that this would give me the chance to grab a job in the field I had graduated from. I was so excited that my credentials where good enough to be called for an interview. I was actually happy and prepped up for the big day.

I was ready to go and get the job from this google-like company. I really wanted that job so extremely bad, but then the day of, I choked. I stumbled upon my words, my voice cracked and I couldn't sell myself. I sold myself short.

As I was sitting in the seat getting interviewed by these 3 people, I felt small and I just wanted to run and hide. The words coming out of my mouth weren't the words I wanted to answer. I sat there and I knew that I was talking like a fool. After the interview I wanted to jump into lake Michigan. I went over and over everything they asked me in my head on how I should of answered things the rest if the day. I fucking completely failed.

I don't know exactly what is my purpose on this earth. I feel like I'm a complete waste of spa e on this earth. When, I called to follow up with the marketing agency today for one last chance of hope, even though I knew I wasn't going to get it, I thought maybe my resume would help win them over. Leaving the message with the marketing firm, I freaked out again. It was just a damn voicemail! WTF is wrong with me?

When I received the email today, I still had one ounce of hope that they'd give me a try me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting it either. What I knew was the final verdict; I didn't get the job. It broke me and made me cry. I wanted to be a full-time production assistant for a big marketing agency.

Stupid me couldn't even remember to tell them that I also am a newly, photographer on the side. I sat there and fucking froze and when I tried to explain myself, I sounded like I couldn't speak English. Well hopefully, this other job I recently interviewed for, I will get it. If not, I don't want to try anymore.

:( Email that put me in such a damper mood:

Thank you for taking the time to meet with our interview team at ______ _____ Marketing. We are fortunate to have many well-qualified candidates apply for this position. After careful consideration we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you employment at this time.

Please accept our best wishes and thank you for your interest in our company.

I have my friends trying to give me hope and push me to not give up, but I'm feeling like I'm a total failure. I wish I could be strong, but I've lost my heart to go on. I try really hard to stay positive, but all I can feel is this negative energy. Everyday i have this heaviness in my eyes on my chest.

I just can't win with anything. Im tired of feeling isolated. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of living in this world, if I'm going to feel depressed like this everyday. Can't I wake up from this nightmare already? Please, stop punishing me.

The truth is, when you have the one you love, no matter how hard things get - you have everything and you can conquer all. I'm lost in this mean and cold world. I've lost my backbone and the support that meant the most to me. I really need to get out of here.

Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away