If I'm obsessed with anything, that would mainly have everything to do with my amazing and gorgeous girlfriend. I know that I've mentioned that about her a gazillion times, but I can't help but boast about the truth. I think about her 24 hours a day - nonstop. She is the perfect package all around without a doubt. They say that when you find someone, you should find a person who was hurt just like you...that way, they would know how it feels and they wouldn't do the same thing to you. Although that wasn't the basis on which I fell for my gf, but it was a shared experience that we both could comprehend.
When my baby was talking to me about how her ex ended up cheating on her with a friend (and it's not like we talk about the subject all the time - it came up when my gf was telling me a story about her favorite, late uncle who was a player during his time - while married), my gf said, babe - I would never cheat on you. The thing is, that didn't even cross my mind. I told my gf, babe - you don't have to tell me that, I trust you. She said well, I want to tell you and make it known that I wouldn't ever do that. That made me smile, I could see the sincere look on her sweet face. She had this worried look, as if I was doubting her devotion towards me.
Ever heard of your "gut feeling?" It's there for a reason and usually, it's right. A woman's instinct never fails and I know that mine has always been right on money about things. Someone tried to convince me wrong otherwise, but all the excuses and turning things around to make me believe that I was just plain obsessed about certain person(s) only proved to be accurate. I really don't know what's the big deal about being completely honest about things, especially when things have already ended a long time ago. If you ever cheated on someone and got away with it, don't think of them as being dumb for not noticing. Realize the person just trusted you more than your ass deserved.
What I hate most is this feeling of being lied too…there is almost nothing in the world that I hate more then when someone thinks they have to lie to me. Be honest with me. Also sneaking around on something or being shady is just as bad. Maybe you didn’t tell me directly, but isn't that just as bad as lying? Now what I have to say about this is it's wrong for both to do. I've cheated and been cheated on, I know how it feels to be on both ends of the stick. So I'll repeat myself and say this again, It's wrong in every way, there is no justifying why you cheated. You cheat and you were wrong for doing it. I promised myself I wouldn't ever do it again.
At the time, I cheated on my bf of 3 years (on and off) with a previous bf. I came up with some absurd excuse to why I wasn't able to meet up with my bf when he got off of work at midnight. He was waiting for me with 26 candles on a cake for my birthday, while I was drunk at my exes apartment (I will not going into further details, you get the point). He kept calling me and I had my phone and knew it was him, but couldn't answer because I was with my ex and didn't know what to say, so I completely ignored his calls.
When I did meet up with my ex, he had confronted me about what happened. Of course, I denied the whole time and he wasn't buying it, but for that night he accepted it. I remember him saying directly to my face, if you did cheat on me, tell me now because if you did...this can't work and it's over. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and still kept it inside, but his instinct couldn't lie to him and after a week or so we broke up. He knew inside that I was lying to his face. I didn't come clean to him about the cheating incident years later after we talked on the phone and I mentioned to him that my ex gf had cheated on me the first time. I know it was the truth kept hidden inside for so long, after how many years, but it was better late than never. It was a relief and I felt better about myself. The reason I had cheated on my bf was I didn't want to be in the relationship, but I kept on holding on thinking that being with him was right for me.
The next time I cheated was with my ex gf, it was in the beginning before I had even met her, although we were already established as being in a long distance relationship. I was happy to be in the relationship with her, but at the same time I was a bit afraid because it was becoming too real. I was afraid of being in a relationship with a girl, so I went with this guy just to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. I proved myself wrong and I felt awful after I had done that. She figured things out the first time I went to visit her in the UK, I couldn't lie anymore (plus I'm such a bad liar).
Well she thought that all we did was kiss and I showed her the emails that he had been sending to me, to show her that it was harmless. She read something that hit a nerve and she stopped there and began to cry and realized that it wasn't only just a kiss. I remember her saying if she knew what I had done she wouldn't have let me come to visit her and our relationship would have ended. I felt like an asshole, I was. I shouldn't have done what I did in the first place and instead should have talked to her about it instead of cheating behind her back or break it off. Although, I wanted to be with her and I didn't want her to change her mind about our relationship.
I can't believe that whenever I get on to the subject of cheating, I keep having to rant about it. It's such a touchy subject. My advice is that people who even think about cheating, you should have enough respect for that person and break up with them beforehand. Don't string them along, distance yourself or become mean in thinking that would make the victim become the dumper, making it less work and less hurt feelings for the cheater (it doesn't work way that way or work well). It's weak and it's cowardly. It's a waste of hurtful energy, which could have been prevented easily if you just explained yourself no matter how much you think you will hurt the person.
It hurts even more when you are trying to hide the truth from the person. I knew things, I questioned them but I wasn't getting a straight answer. The stories never matched up and I had no say in anything because if I did, I was the bad person. I wasn't stupid though and clearly I knew what was going on. I didn't have to be told. Songs that I hate for unsentimental reasons: Rihanna's - Only Girl in the World & Temper Traps - Sweet Disposition, because I knew it wasn't for me (even though I was told it was).
I just failed to comprehend why there was all the charade and secrecy. I just don't get it. I never would want to go back to that ever to begin with. So I don't know why being honest is such a difficult thing to do. I got screwed over and it took awhile to move on, but a year is enough time for that. I know now that they were obviously not worth a single moment of my time, I was just somehow blinded. I'm so much happier now, though. I found someone who's worth my time and knows my worth. I really don't expect or ask much from people. Just loyalty and honesty. I have that from my gf and not only is she all those things but she's super smart, beautiful, sweet , funny, carefree and so on. I know the way my baby feels is the same way that I feel for her. She's simply amazing. I would write more, but I can't keep my eyes open and the rest would start to not make sense.
“If your presence doesn’t make an impact, your absence won’t make a difference.”
Below are the sweetest messages from my babe that I love so much, after we got off talking on the cam. God, I'm so in love with the best thing that came into my life <3:
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