Heartbeat

I haven't told her yet, but she is the reason that I am able to move on after so long. It took me longer than 6 months to get over my past break up. I concealed myself from the world; I was just lost and hurting (the same way that my ex found me when she first saw me on cam, but actually even worse than that). Then my sweet green eyes came into my life and I was able to forget the pain and the crazy thoughts that were going to drive me to do the unthinkable.

I was able to move past wanting to have the confirmation of the truth; what I had already known deep down inside. I could not be burdened by it all. I didn't have to have the questions in my head directly answered. I already knew what was in my gut and that was all the proof I was going to get anyways, well that and other things. I began to realize that it's not the end and I don't have to finish myself off in such a way because it hurt me too much and that it would have been easier on myself. No, that isn't the answer.

I can't say that the hurt isn't there; I’m still left with a tiny scar that aches a little. Most especially when you've love someone that much, I gave up my everything. To try to explain the feeling, it’s just like say if you had broken arm or something it's never going to be as good as new, and it will hurt at times, but your able to deal with it and after awhile you become immune to the pain. Just like when you get your heart broken, I was insanely in love and it hurt for a while, but I'm able to really smile again and think happy thoughts (in comparison to the ill ideas that were going through my mind - which could make into an interesting movie). My sweet green eyes came into my life and helped me get past that and for that I’m so thankful to have her. She makes me forget about the bad and think only about the good <3

I'm proud of my heart. Its been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow it still works.